There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
The employer, at the interview: - I will give you 500$ per month at the beginning and in three months I will raise it to 700$. When can you start? - In three months.
A very respectful man enters a bakery: - Good day, I would like a cake. It's my wife's birthday. - How many candles? - 30 - The usual!
- Defendant, do you recognize this knife? - Yes, your honor. - So you confess the crime. - I don't confess anything. But you showed it to me four times. Of course I recognize it!
- That's the similarity between politicians and pigeons? - As long as they're small, they eat out of your hand. But then they get high enough, they sh*t on you!