I think USB is a backup plan in case USA fails.
What if the coins you randomly find in drawers and between couch cushions are actually spiders leaving them there to pay rent?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and ten million dollars.
Just carried groceries back in one trip. I am pretty sure I'm ready to join the Avengers.
Sometimes, life throws you a curve ball and you just don't know enough about baseball to finish the metaphor. And than it hits you...
Have some fun in your life... Call in sick in places you don't even work at.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask: "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.
Something is wrong with my Phone. The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.
You know you're drunk when you sit on the toilet and try to put your seat-belt on.
I was an accountant from the age of 21 to the age of 25 before I was fired for no apparent reason. What a waste of 8 years.
My girlfriend is very weird. She begins every conversation with "Were you even listening to me?"
My girlfriend asked me to get her some feminine products when I went to the store. So i got her some brand new pots and pans.
If you love something set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard. And leopards love no one.
If a woman pulls a knife on you during an argument, hand her some bread and butter. Her woman instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sandwich.