YMS

Pentru postul de agricultor va rugam sa completati campurile din fata dumneavoastra.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Wow it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My favorite jokes are ones that don't end the way you expecto patronum.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1. I am wrong.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Sotia furioasa intra in casa. - Gata, stiu totul! - Serios? Cati afluenti are Dunarea? Intreaba sotul linistit.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" and I ordered a French toast during the Renaissance.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Auto correct makes me say things I didn't nintendo.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Give a man a fish and he'll be all "Wtf are you giving me a fish for? That's weird." Teach a man how to fish and he'll be all "Again with the fish?"

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

To show everyone that I am smart, I've started writing my 5 books trilogy.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Yesterday my friend told me I don't understand what irony means, which is ironic because we were standing at a bus stop.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Let's get the day started with a nice, big bowl of why the fuck am I awake.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Oh, hi Becky who refused to kiss me during spin the bottle in 6th grade and now wants to play FarmVille. My, my, how the tables have turned.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Hi and welcome to the hidden chair club. Please find a seat.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Cand ai incercat totul si nimic nu merge, citeste instructiunile de folosire.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Every so often, I tell myself I should cut down drinking. Then I realize I'm nowhere near drunk enough to be having this conversation with myself.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I think USB is a backup plan in case USA fails.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

What if the coins you randomly find in drawers and between couch cushions are actually spiders leaving them there to pay rent?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and ten million dollars.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Just carried groceries back in one trip. I am pretty sure I'm ready to join the Avengers.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Sometimes, life throws you a curve ball and you just don't know enough about baseball to finish the metaphor. And than it hits you...

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Have some fun in your life... Call in sick in places you don't even work at.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask: "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Something is wrong with my Phone. The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You know you're drunk when you sit on the toilet and try to put your seat-belt on.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I was an accountant from the age of 21 to the age of 25 before I was fired for no apparent reason. What a waste of 8 years.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My girlfriend is very weird. She begins every conversation with "Were you even listening to me?"

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If you love something set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard. And leopards love no one.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My girlfriend asked me to get her some feminine products when I went to the store. So i got her some brand new pots and pans.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If a woman pulls a knife on you during an argument, hand her some bread and butter. Her woman instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sandwich.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

ATM is telling me i have insufficient founds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Juliet: O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Romeo: New phone. Who dis?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

FACT #34: Women spend more time thinking about what men are thinking than men actually spend time thinking.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I'm sorry that i walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Bumblebees don't always sting, they ignore you and that in some way hurts even more.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I dig, you dig, we dig, she digs, he digs, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem but it's very deep.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I can't believe how strong the winds were last night... I ran out to get my girlfriend some milk and got blown into the strip club.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Women have to deal with menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, menopause etc. Men have to deal with women. Tie.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Sometimes i feel more confused than a paranoid, bipolar and schizophrenic chameleon in a bag of skittles.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn’t take his education too seriously.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You can do anything, but not everything.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I'd rather live with a good question than a bad answer.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I'm not smart, but when I look around I start feeling better.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

"You are what you eat..." That's strange. I don't think I've eaten any sexy beasts today...

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Problems are like washing machines, they twist us, spin us and knock us around, but in the end we come out cleaner, brighter and better than before.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I hate people that say "He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say "He's a d*ckhead, but you'll get used to it."

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If there was a way to read a woman's mind, I am not sure I would want to. I hate shoes, shopping, gossip, and I already know I am annoying.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

When someone says to me "great minds think alike" I just look at them and think "you dirty bastard."

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

When life knocks you down... calmly get back up, smile and very politely say, "you hit like a girl."

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says, "Hold my beer and watch this."

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Karma is like a rubber band. You can only stretch it so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The only thing worse than "the one who got away" is the one who won't go away.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Let's have a moment of silence for all those who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride stationary bicycles.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents all the time but you don't see me change my status to "orphan."

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Sharks aren't so bad... If a stranger entered into my house wearing only a speedo, I would probably attack him too!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

People say you cannot live without love... I think oxygen is more important.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Liking your own Facebook status is like giving your self a high five in public.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Nothing is really lost, until your Mom can't find it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

School is killing us. Textbooks are made from paper, paper is made from trees, we need trees for oxygen. Thus, school is killing us.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I am not single; I'm romantically challenged.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Save water! Shower with your girlfriend.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I'm not telling you it is going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I'm not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I'll move in with them.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Have you ever just looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it's closed.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Liquid antiseptic for external wounds. Whiskey for internal wounds.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Beer is the answer... but I can't remember the question.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think... in a deeper voice.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "boy was that fun".

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get married, essentially what you're saying is, "I will never touch another woman as long as I live, now let’s put jewelry on each other and dance."

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Marriage is like a public toilet, those waiting outside are desperate to get in and those inside are desperate to come out.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing – that's why we recommend it daily.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If I drink alcohol I'm an alcoholic; if I drink Fanta, I'm fantastic?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Yes, I plan to forgive and forget. Forgive how stupid I was and forget you.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I don't have a drinking problem, unless I can't find a drink.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I'm at my computer, I'm just too drunk to type anything meaningful right now.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I live my life one shot at a time.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I'm out partying and I'll be back when I want to.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I don't have drinking problems, I am just very thirsty.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I'm drinking my problems away. Since I have a drinking problem, this may take a while.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I am out partying, if you find me, please help me get home safe.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If I was sober, I would have inserted a witty away message between these two arrows: --><--.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Party hardy, friends forever, out all nite, we'll be together, stay till dawn, then home to sleep, can't wait to do it all again next week.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my beer.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If you can read this message without any trouble, you obviously have a lack of alcohol.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

One tequilla, two tequilla, three tequilla... FLOOR!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

In bed: It's 7:00 A.M., you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 8:45. At work: It's 1:30 P.M., you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 1:31 P.M.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Scientists have come to the conclusion that 56498231 people on the Internet are lazy just because they didn't bother to read that number.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I like diversity in my bed! Every night I sleep with a different pajama.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

According to a survey, 9 out of 10 men like women with large breast, the 10th likes the other 9 men.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me never to go to those places again.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Do something today that your future self will thank you for.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I don't know karate but, I do know crazy and, I'm not afraid to use it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

"If you fall, I'll be there." – The floor

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A woman is like a football player. She lays down and moans, and you're wondering if she's faking it or not.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris cannot fly, but he does it anyway!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a watch. He decides what time it is.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed they are not it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

When a woman says "what?", it's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Heaven, I believe, is right here, just waiting for us to create it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I don't have the fear of heights; I have a fear of falling from heights.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

70% of women do not trust the scales!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Men that say that a woman's place is in the kitchen - just don't know what do do with her in the bedroom!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The employer, at the interview: - I will give you 500$ per month at the beginning and in three months I will raise it to 700$. When can you start? - In three months.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A very respectful man enters a bakery: - Good day, I would like a cake. It's my wife's birthday. - How many candles? - 30 - The usual!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

- Defendant, do you recognize this knife? - Yes, your honor. - So you confess the crime. - I don't confess anything. But you showed it to me four times. Of course I recognize it!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

- Dad, what is oral sex? my daughter asked me. Embarrassed I said: It's none of your business! - OK, I'll go ask mom. I started laughing and I told her: - You can go, she has no idea either!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My boss told me: - Do you think you can come at the office on Saturday? I know it's your day off and maybe you have plans, but I need you! - OK, no problem, I said. But there's probably going to be a lot of traffic so I might be late. - So when will you be here? - Monday.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I am not young enough to know everything.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Unless life also hands you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

No one is a virgin, the world screws us all.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

In Paradise there are no marriages, evidently not to disturb the peace.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are... you have small boobs.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My opinions are like farts. So hard to hold them in. When one spills, everyone's gonna know it and at least one person is gonna leave the room.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

It isn't that I'm not a people person, I'm just not a stupid people person.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep f*cking me.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Good art inspires; good design motivates.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Design is as much a matter of finding problems as it is solving them.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Don't try and reinvent the wheel – just work on making it better than anyone else.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

In design, there is no such thing as "rules". There is however, common sense.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Simplicity is not about making something without ornament, but rather about making something very complex, then slicing elements away, until you reveal the very essence.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If you look at any designer you admire, whose work inspires you, and whose approach somehow resonates with you, I promise you'll find a person who does not think of what they do as just their job.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Have no fear of perfection – you'll never reach it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Design should never say, "Look at me." It should always say, "Look at this."

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You're so fake, Barbie is jealous.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You're not stupid. You just have bad luck when you think.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You never know what you have until you clean your room.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Life is hard; it's even harder if you're stupid.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Design is thinking made visual.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Some people are just plain stupid. If you forget, they'll remind you.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream. And that's kind of the same thing.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Don't judge a book by its movie.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

By the time you read this you've already read it.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Whenever you get mad, just think of a T-rex trying to masturbate.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If your girlfriend stops waxing it means you're the only one in her life.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Don't be afraid of smart women. Loves makes them stupid too.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

It's much easier to kiss 10 times one's hand than to kiss 1 time one's butt.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Creativity is magical, but is not magic.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

All women dream of a loving and caring male partner; but, unfortunately, all loving and caring lovers already have a male partner.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Nice ankles, but I'd like them better if they were on my shoulders.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

Why would you pay for a bra when I could hold your boobs up all day for nothing?

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

You look nice, but you'd look even better in my bed.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

I don't like dyeing! It will be the last thing that I will ever do!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

A mother-in-law is like a spice mix - she mixes in everything I do.

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

In a recovery room, all people are connected to a breathing device. The electrician walks in and says: - Now everyone take a deep breath, I'm going to replace a fuse!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

If your father is not a millionaire, it is not your fault. But if not ever your father-in-law is not a millionaire, you have no excuse!

Posted by: LookyRo în 24-01-2020

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