My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Chuck Norris was given birth by his aunt, because no one had the courage to f*ck with his mother.
Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.
Liquid antiseptic for external wounds. Whiskey for internal wounds.
I don't have a drinking problem, unless I can't find a drink.
I'm at my computer, I'm just too drunk to type anything meaningful right now.
I live my life one shot at a time.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
I don't have drinking problems, I am just very thirsty.
I'm drinking my problems away. Since I have a drinking problem, this may take a while.
If I was sober, I would have inserted a witty away message between these two arrows: --><--.
Party hardy, friends forever, out all nite, we'll be together, stay till dawn, then home to sleep, can't wait to do it all again next week.
Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my beer.