- Dad, what is oral sex? my daughter asked me. Embarrassed I said: It's none of your business! - OK, I'll go ask mom. I started laughing and I told her: - You can go, she has no idea either!
My boss told me: - Do you think you can come at the office on Saturday? I know it's your day off and maybe you have plans, but I need you! - OK, no problem, I said. But there's probably going to be a lot of traffic so I might be late. - So when will you be here? - Monday.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
My opinions are like farts. So hard to hold them in. When one spills, everyone's gonna know it and at least one person is gonna leave the room.
- My friend, I have no luck in mariage. - How come? - My first wife ran away with an Italian guy. - And this one? - This one doesn't want to go away!
It's said that if you study to hard you will feel a pain in your stomach. It's also said that if you believe this you're a dumbass.
If you know that there's no thing something can go wrong and you take all precautionary measures, something else will go wrong.