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The bartender says, “we don’t serve tachyons here.” A tachyon walks into a bar.

A bunch of Uranium-238 walks into a bar. 4.47 billion years later half of them are still there.

The Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest says “We don’t allow Higgs boson in here. The Higgs boson says, “But without me how can you have mass?”

A statistician walks into just your average bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve statisticians.” The statistician says, “Well you’re just mean.”

An alchemist walks into a bar. “12 glasses of water please.” He winks at his friends.

An infrared photon walks into a bar and says, “Is it hot in here or is it just me.”

A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve neutrinos in this bar.” The neutrino says “Hey, I was just passing through.”

Schrodinger’s Cat walks into a bar…and doesn’t.

Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve bacteria in this bar.” The bacterias say, “But we work here, we’re Staph.”

A room temperature super conductor walks into the bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve room temperature super conductors here.” The room temperature super conductor leaves without putting up any resistance.

A neutron walks into a bar. The bartender serves him and when the neutron asks how much his tab is, the barkeep responds, “for you? No charge.”

A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says we don’t serve viruses. The virus replaces the bartender and says, “Now we do.”

An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases.” The infectious disease says “Well, you’re not a very good host.”

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don't.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.

The box said 'Requires Windows Vista or better'. So I installed LINUX.

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0.

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.

Unix is user friendly. It's just selective about who its friends are.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.