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The days are long, but the years are short.

Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.

If you are silent about your pain, they'll kill you and say you enjoyed it.

Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on the battlefield will think hard before starting a war.

Since Auschwitz we know what man is capable of. And since Hiroshima we know what is at stake.

A child who does not receive warmth from the village will burn it down to feel it.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

I organized a threesome last night. There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had fun.

My wife installed a mirror over our bed. She said she likes to watch herself laugh.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

If trees could scream would we still cut them down? We might, if they did it all the time for no good reason.

It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

There's 2 types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...

I was so surprised when the stationary store moved.

A neutrino walks through a bar.

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

Am I the only one who realizes that blackboards are truly remarkable?

You'd have to be really low to pickpocket a midget.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me racist, a lot of black people would try to rob me.

You've gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.