The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
I was so surprised when the stationary store moved.
Am I the only one who realizes that blackboards are truly remarkable?
You'd have to be really low to pickpocket a midget.
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me racist, a lot of black people would try to rob me.
You've gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
A photon walks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with his bags. The photon replies, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
How do you turn a bee into an atheist?
You smack the beejesus out of them.
A Roman walks into bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers, please".
I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
Have you ever got half way through eating a horse and thought, I'm not as hungry as I thought I was?
I often say to myself: "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!".
A kiss would make my day, but anal would make my hole weak.
My friends told me a joke so funny that it stopped water from flowing. It was damn funny.
I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore... these are some dark times.
I like my coffee like I like the Kardashians. I don't.
My dog ate a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. I took him to the vet. No word yet.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed. I guess it was a bad delivery.
Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes...
One day, 0 and 8 meet. 0 says to 8: Wow, you got a belt!
What do you call Six without the S? Nine.
Solar energy is the future, but it won't happen overnight.
How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it.