Chuck Norris was given birth by his aunt, because no one had the courage to f*ck with his mother.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris cannot fly, but he does it anyway!
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.