If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.
Karma is like a rubber band. You can only stretch it so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "boy was that fun".
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing – that's why we recommend it daily.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
A woman is like a football player. She lays down and moans, and you're wondering if she's faking it or not.