YMStatus.com

The best statuses to share with your friends!

A kiss would make my day, but anal would make my hole weak.

A police man came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs." I said "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs."

My friends told me a joke so funny that it stopped water from flowing. It was damn funny.

I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore... these are some dark times.

Funny statuses

What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose? Arrested, apparently.

I like my coffee like I like the Kardashians. I don't.

My dog ate a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. I took him to the vet. No word yet.

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed. I guess it was a bad delivery.

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes...

Funny statuses

One day, 0 and 8 meet. 0 says to 8: Wow, you got a belt!

What do you call Six without the S? Nine.

Solar energy is the future, but it won't happen overnight.

My friend, Jim, drowned last week. We placed a life jacket on his coffin... It's what he would have wanted.

How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it.

Funny statuses

How many people with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? You wanna ride bikes?

He thinks I'm crazy for him, but I was crazy before him.

I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

There are 2 types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.

Funny statuses

Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he keep drawing pictures of my parents fighting?

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself: "This changes everything".

I wonder what "don't touch" is in Braille.

Funny statuses

Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.