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The best statuses to share with your friends!

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Or a game of heart attack.

You can teach a cat to do whatever it wants.

The person who said that nothing is impossible has obviously never tried slamming a rotating door!

If God did not want us to masturbate, he would have given us shorter hands.

There are two rules for success in life: 1. Do not tell people everything you know.

Flying is trying to hit the ground and missing.

Shinbone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Do not ever argue with an idiot, because he will bring you to his level and beat you with experience!

If you can't understand a word in a technical article, ignore it. The article will sound just as well without it.

Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

If you think no one cares if you're alive, try not to pay a few installments to the bank.

If you scream as loud as you can "13!" in someone's ear while he's asleep, he will immediately jump up and start shaking his hand and get all crazy. This yet again proves that this is a magical number.

People complain that everything gets more and more expensive. Not true, the salary got cheaper!

Some men think they are trees: every year means a new ring.

The road to success is always under construction.

Most lies are said before the elections, during sex and after fishing!

I don't like dyeing! It will be the last thing that I will ever do!

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Or a game of heart attack.

You can teach a cat to do whatever it wants.

The person who said that nothing is impossible has obviously never tried slamming a rotating door!

If God did not want us to masturbate, he would have given us shorter hands.

Quotes → Funny Quotes

There are two rules for success in life: 1. Do not tell people everything you know.

Flying is trying to hit the ground and missing.

Shinbone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Do not ever argue with an idiot, because he will bring you to his level and beat you with experience!

If you can't understand a word in a technical article, ignore it. The article will sound just as well without it.

Quotes → Funny Quotes

Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

If you think no one cares if you're alive, try not to pay a few installments to the bank.

If you scream as loud as you can "13!" in someone's ear while he's asleep, he will immediately jump up and start shaking his hand and get all crazy. This yet again proves that this is a magical number.

People complain that everything gets more and more expensive. Not true, the salary got cheaper!

Quotes → Funny Quotes

Some men think they are trees: every year means a new ring.

The road to success is always under construction.

Most lies are said before the elections, during sex and after fishing!

I don't like dyeing! It will be the last thing that I will ever do!