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All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

A kiss would make my day, but anal would make my hole weak.

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here.". Helium doesn't react.

Infinity mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half of a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer. The bartender rolls his eyes and pours two beers.

Heisenberg is stopped by a traffic cop who askes: "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know exactly where I am"

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything." So he hands the guy a fifty. There's a long pause, then he asks. "Where's my change?' The vendor replies "Change must come from within."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bar tenders says "Sorry, we don't serve food here"

If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on what movie to watch and pizza to order. And then I picked the movie and pizza I wanted because I'm the one with the money.

A police man came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs." I said "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs."

I've been clean for 47 days now. It's weird showering everyday but at least I have the heroin to get through it.

If I won $1.28B, I’d give a quarter of it to charity. Not sure what I’d do with the other $1,279,999,999.75 though.

To the person who hacked my account I will find you, and I will kill you. Edit: no you won't

If the Queen's coffin has a UK flag placed inside, it'll be a union jack in a box.

Today, around the world people are in mourning. Some are in afternoon.

When my son accidentally swallowed a tooth I was worried it would bite him in the ass later.

Due to the Queen’s death, all British music is now Royalty-Free.

My friends told me a joke so funny that it stopped water from flowing. It was damn funny.

I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore... these are some dark times.