YMStatus.com

The best statuses to share with your friends!

I bought a boat because it was for sail.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back for seconds.

My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said maybe…

How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.

The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

A blind man walked into a bar… and a table… and a chair…

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.

Presidential elections in Jamaica have the highest voters turnout on the planet.

I hate people that say "I find that funny" when I make a humorous observation. M*****ker, I went out and looked for it, you ain't found shit!

According to Cannibal Holocaust, South American native tribes were the first to roast the guest of honor.

I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade".

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He's a small arms dealer.

Geology rocks, but geography's where it's at.

Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

Well, to be Frank with you, I'd have to change my name.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.