Quitting drinking is the easiest thing in the world! I, for example, quit drinking 14 thousand times!
I wanted to drown my sorrow, but the bastard learned how to swim; now I'm overwhelmed by the good and decent feeling!
Alcohol is like love. The first one's magical, the second is intimate, the third is a habit. After that, you start undressing the girl!
The 4 miracles of a woman: she gets wet without going into water, she bleeds without cutting herself, she gives milk without having to eat grass and she answers without being asked.
Discussion between two cannibals: "I would like to ask your daughter's hand.". The other one replies: "You want it here or to go?".