Today's horoscope: Work - stars are shining. Money - the stars are smiling. Love - the starts are laughing their asses off!
I'm eating an apple. If I'm quiet for a very long time, call an ambulance - the apple is probably stuck in my throat.
I don't drink alcohol, I don't take drugs, I don't cheat on my girlfriend, I sleep from 10 to 6, I'm very well behaved! But once I get out of prison...