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The best statuses to share with your friends!

Dear Pink Floyd, our education system is what happens when teachers leave the kids alone. So thanks.

Boobs are like JPEG photos - you can't make them bigger without losing the quality.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back.

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

Others statuses

My father has schizophrenia, but he's good people.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

Never trust atoms; they make up everything.

Others statuses

Russian dolls are so full of themselves.

I used to think I was indecisive. But now I'm not so sure.

Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

Others statuses

My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We'll see about that.

I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!

Others statuses

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is "Goodbye".

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

A government survey reveals the prime minister is doing the work of two men. Laurel and Hardy.

Others statuses

Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing.