I've heard if a bear attacks you should play dead. Sounds suspiciously like something a bear would say.
When a cashier asks if you've found everything you need, take her hand, look deep into her eyes and say "I have now".
A good way to get to know your date is to ask about their first pet, favourite movie and mom's maiden name, then login and read all their emails.
Why are things always in the last place you look for them? Because you stop looking when you find them.
Wow it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.
Sotia furioasa intra in casa. - Gata, stiu totul! - Serios? Cati afluenti are Dunarea? Intreaba sotul linistit.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" and I ordered a French toast during the Renaissance.
Give a man a fish and he'll be all "Wtf are you giving me a fish for? That's weird." Teach a man how to fish and he'll be all "Again with the fish?"
Yesterday my friend told me I don't understand what irony means, which is ironic because we were standing at a bus stop.
Oh, hi Becky who refused to kiss me during spin the bottle in 6th grade and now wants to play FarmVille. My, my, how the tables have turned.