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The best statuses to share with your friends!

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

If I drink alcohol I'm an alcoholic; if I drink Fanta, I'm fantastic?

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

Yes, I plan to forgive and forget. Forgive how stupid I was and forget you.

God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

I don't have a drinking problem, unless I can't find a drink.

I'm at my computer, I'm just too drunk to type anything meaningful right now.

I live my life one shot at a time.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I'm out partying and I'll be back when I want to.

I don't have drinking problems, I am just very thirsty.

I'm drinking my problems away. Since I have a drinking problem, this may take a while.

I am out partying, if you find me, please help me get home safe.

If I was sober, I would have inserted a witty away message between these two arrows: --><--.

Party hardy, friends forever, out all nite, we'll be together, stay till dawn, then home to sleep, can't wait to do it all again next week.

Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my beer.

If you can read this message without any trouble, you obviously have a lack of alcohol.

One tequilla, two tequilla, three tequilla... FLOOR!